Well, it’s January… a time of reflection on the past and resolutions for the future. Decision time. However, January 16th specifically marks the one year anniversary of AreYouMyPartner. And I have made a resolution: to pause and think a lot bigger.

One year ago I launched this AreYouMyPartner blog with a simple mission to create a better way for people to Meet, Play and perhaps find Love. In my vision video, I gave myself a challenge and imposed a one year timeline in which to run this blog, then stop and decide what to do next based on what actually happened.

Over that year 10 AYMP events were organised where likeminded people could come together over common interests. It was an experiment – based on my own journey to find love – to see what worked (and what didn’t) when it came to creating situations that would reveal people’s true character and really allow bonds to form and flourish naturally.

And it has been a heck of a ride: psychological art, a treasure hunt, rollerblading, animals, music, climbing, tree-top adventures, BBQs, hikes and horseback riding – one year of adventures, good times and good people. I even got inspired to create bonus material for this blog, and one year later, my decision is…

To pause AYMP for now, but not forever. There is definitely more to come.

I’ve taken stock: I have an amazing wife, a great circle of friends and a career that is really starting to flourish. And CeCe and I are also hoping to start a family soon. And that means I only have so much time in a day, and increasingly I have less and less spare time – in other words, less and less to put into organising more AYMP events and running this blog.

Nevertheless, one year later I have learned a lot and fed those learnings into a big vision for how AYMP could grow and really help people Meet, Play and Love on a much wider scale. But I also realise I can’t keep doing this alone in my spare time.

So for now, this post will serve as a full stop to one year of running the AYMP blog. Behind the scenes I am working with other people to one day really scale this up. I know it will take time and focus, and I am willing to invest in the long term and create the right conditions to make the vision a reality.

For all of you out there that participated over the past year in AYMP on any level, I thank you profoundly. I have photos and testimonials to remind me of the adventures we had. I promise that this is not over, just paused, until I can line up the right team and then really go for it.

Until then, we can always look back over the incredible year we had, and dream about what might come next.

Previously:

Feartured content:

[SERIES] Note #16: You never know… The season of reflection and resolution is nearly upon us and it represents a BIG deadline for me… Read Note#16

[VIDEO SERIES] Flashbacks Five webisodes (plus outtakes) that explore how lessons from my personal adventure can pay forward and benefit this new AYMP journey. Watch Flashback series Vote on your favourite episode

Cutting through the forms… to the real you Do long personality/profile questionnaires really work? Or do you feel squeezed into a box? I found out about one experience that was nothing short of frustrating. Read this post

Interview with Snortle Listen to Podcast

Exploring Location Based Dating – Fun or Scary? Using your mobile to date in real time is very real. But is location based dating an advantage or a concern? Read this post

Joining niche dating sites… and Twitter recruitment A comedy podcast explores niche (uniform) dating – and how they use Twitter to recruit. Are they really niche? Or just a sheep in wolf’s clothing? Read this post

Sex sells… again and again WIRED magazine featured a story on freemium-style dating sites: the more you pay, the more profile you get. But where does the quality vs. quantity line get drawn? Read this post

October and November have been good months as we had two great events, both occurring in Epping forest: Event 9 was a hike and then (inspired by a chat on that walk) we went horseback riding on Event 10.

But time flies, and it’s already the end of November and the busy Christmas season is upon us. I don’t think I’ll have time to do an event in December, so it’s looking more likely to be in the new year before the next one occurs. However, a BIG deadline is on the horizon: January 2012. When that time strikes, it will mean a year has passed since I setup this AYMP blog with my mission to make online dating better.

And we all know what happens around that time of year: we reflect, and some of us resolve to do better. So I’m going to start with the reflection part and see how I feel about resolving to continue this mission. After all, I did set myself a deadline of one year when I created the AYMP vision video.

Recently someone shared this with me, and it made me smile, but also think a lot about where this is all going:

This post is part of Notes. To see all Notes, click here.

And then the idea became reality: we booked ourselves a group hack with the good people at Woodredon Equestrian Centre in Epping Forest.

It was autumnal paradise: the air was crisp, the leaves were coloured and falling, and our group got guided through some amazing scenes. All of us sported massive grins as we walked and trotted on our horses for nearly two hours. By the time we returned we were exhausted yet satisfied, and retired to a nearby pub for some drinks and food and flowing conversation.

And again I was asked if we would raise the bar on the next event. More to come…

When everyone gathered for the hike in Epping Forest (some struggling as they had had a “big” night previously), there was just one common complaint: everyone present had had a hell of week; at work, in London, in life. That soon melted away.

We were blessed with glorious weather; there was a nip in the air, yet sunshine was plentiful and basking. Taking the mood of the group (there were six of us), we opted to just amble into Epping Forest with no plan, no map and end up where we would end up.

Walking into Epping Forest was almost magical. The sights and sounds of busy London disappeared as we were ushered into the tranquilly of the wood under a canopy. It being Fall and all, the simple pleasure of crunching leaves under-foot seemed to return all of us to a simpler childhood state of mind, and along the way we randomly shot down different paths, passed a serene lake and waved to contented people trotting by on horseback.

By the time the group emerged from the forest, everyone had big smiles on their faces. The effects of the week and any big nights had melted away. It will sound so cliché, but I cannot emphasis enough how just a simple walk in the woods can really relax and open people up. It’s a great way to meet other people and be natural.

We headed to a pub to have a few well earned nibbles and drinks. And then the theme of AYMP reared it’s head again; what are we doing next? Someone suggested something about nature again, but perhaps on horseback? There was lots of nodding.

We’ll see…

More photos from the day

Having trouble viewing this Flickr slide show? Click here.

This post is part of Event 9. To see all Event 9 posts, click here.

While the weather is still decent, we’re going to explore Epping Forest on a hike.

Event details

When: Sunday, 23rd of October 2011, starting at 1pm

Cost: Free

What to wear: Comfortable clothes and hiking shoes

Location: Meet near Chingford Rail train station. Call me on 07528 282 570 if you can’t find us (this number will only be active on the day)

Transport: Some of us will be driving, some coming by train. The station is Chingford Rail and links easily to Liverpool Street station in London.

If weather is bad: The event will still go ahead, we will just need to wear rain gear.

Look forward to seeing you there!

This post is part of Event 9. To see all Event 9 posts, click here.

September is flying by, but what else is new. The upshot is that despite our “Farewell to summer in London” BBQ, the weather has gotten worse, then a lot better – at present there is talk of an “Indian summer” for the next few days.

On that note, I’m going to organize a few more adventures for October, so stay tuned for that. I’ve also started having a few more meetings now that people are back from holiday to see about growing this project beyond me and my spare time. Will report on that if anything comes up.

Something that caught my eye this past week

Image from www.dailymail.co.uk

I read (and heard on the radio, and saw on TV) about a recent spike in women being duped out of money by fake men on online dating sites. (One article in particular: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2042633/Online-dating-websites-Fraudsters-target-lonely-hearts-scams.html?ito=feeds-newsxml). I have so much to say on this, but in short; I cannot emphasize how much I truly believe online dating should ultimately lead to real life encounters where people employ their gut instincts over letting their imagination get away with via seeing only pixels.

If you look at the likes of Google and Facebook and eBay and other online giants, their offering is about people and reputation, or rather earning a good reputation, not hiding behind anonymity. The online world has so many tools to help people meet, but human instinct, body language and face to face contact can never be ignored.

I even made a whole video about this subject:

WATCH Video podcast: Flashback 4 of 5 – “Real Life Beauty”

Have fun, but be careful out there people!

This post is part of Weekly Notes. To see all Weekly Notes, click here.

The spirit of the day started well: we headed to Highbury Fields with the BBQ and all our gear, and began to setup. But then the wind blew… hard, and the sky looked like a pile of wet towels and sporadically sprinkled water on us. We did the “British” thing and kept saying “it will get better”, but ultimately we gathered everything up and headed back to my place to use my back yard as Plan B.

Indeed summer is ending in London, and 25 people turned out for the BBQ to say goodbye. We had a great time; lots of food and drink and chats and best of all the smell of a BBQ. The sun broke out and the garden walls kept out the wind out.

And although summer is retiring, and the days will be shorter and the nights longer, we still have lots of ideas for some more AYMP events in the fall. And cooking up ideas long after the coals are expended… well that’s the best kind of leftovers!

This post is part of Event 8. To see all Event 8 posts, click here.

It’s sad, but summer is ending in London. A bunch of friends and I are gathering to send summer off in style: BBQ and sports in the park. All welcome, bring friends if you want.

Event details

When: 2pm onwards, Saturday, 10th of September 2011

Cost: Free

What to bring: Please bring food and drink to share (we will have a grill), as well as any summer games/equipment to play in the park

Location: Highbury Fields, London, N1 (if you can’t see us, call me on 07528 282 570)

Closest tube: Highbury and Islington station

PLAN B if weather is bad: In the event of rainy weather, we will instead head back to my place in Islington for an indoor hang out. Please call me on 07528 282 570 for directions – it is not far from Highbury Fields (please note that the mobile number will only work on the day, not before or after.)

Look forward to seeing you there!

This post is part of Event 8. To see all Event 8 posts, click here.

I might change the title of this series from “Weekly Notes” to something else… They aren’t quite weekly, but things are progressing on AYMP.

On the back of how successful the Climbing and Go Ape events were, I will announce two more outdoor events very shortly.

My main hindrance in growing AYMP at the speed I want to is simply that I’m running this all on my own outside of my full time job. I’ve had some meetings to see about teaming up with some people or companies, but this being summer in London, most people are away on holiday and getting back in the next couple of weeks, so hopefully things will start moving a bit faster.

Something that inspired me this past week

Some friends who had joined us on the Go Ape event invited CeCe and I to join them last weekend in the Cotswolds for more outdoor adventures, so we did. It was an amazing weekend full of hikes and mountain biking, good food and good company. The scenery was amazing, and sometimes we felt like we were in a story book on some grand quest. This is exactly the kind of snowball effect I hope will grow with AYMP: one adventure leads to many more!

Here are some more photos from that weekend:

Having trouble viewing this Flickr slide show? Click here.
 

This post is part of Weekly Notes. To see all Weekly Notes, click here.

So this Weekly Note actually covers a fortnight instead of one week… It has indeed been busy and a domino effect is in… well, full effect!

Two weeks ago a great night of Social Climbing was enjoyed by all at North London’s The Castle. At the end of that event, exhausted participants asked what the next adventure would be… and the answer was Event 7: Go Ape.

The Go Ape adventure represented the furthest distance we’ve ever travelled for an AYMP event; it was outside London’s M25 in Bracknell. But the team spirit was there, so car pooling was quickly sorted.

Eight-five per-cent of the turnout for Go Ape were people who had attended Social Climbing. Once again we all bonded over applying our physical dexterity against demanding challenges high above the ground in tree canopies, each section ending with a very satisfying James Bond style zip-line finale.

Then a sense of Deja-vu. As before, we were sitting around tired yet elated from a physical day out when the participants echoed “So what is next?” Sky diving? White eater rafting? Camping? It seems we’ve got a core group of people developing here who want to keep raising the bar with other like-minded adventurers, and that is exactly what I’m trying to achieve here.

So, I’ll have to see what we organise next that keeps group dynamic and adventure at the heart of a meet up. More on that soon…

Something that caught my attention

After the Social Climbing event, I was taking the tube home with a participant named Simon. Simon has been to several other AYMP events and started his own blog (called Simple White Male) writing about his quest for a partner. Naturally I cannot encourage Simon enough with his endeavour – a man after my own heart, after all.

We were talking about dating site interfaces when the topic of forms and questionnaires arose. When I was single I loathed dating sites that compelled me to tick endless boxes and reply to millions of “personality” questions, only to feed an algorithm back to a robot employed to seek my matches in the data base… or indeed improve my chances to be found by others.

In my opinion, the true essence of a person (be it yourself or a potential partner) can never be fully captured by using a barrage of psychological questions and rating sliders. The most difficult thing to do is write one’s own review, let alone permit people in ivory towers a chance to map you out and match you up with their behavioural logarithms and a matrix of (self) evaluation and categorisation.

But Simon told me about a twist that can only be classified as frustrating. He was trying to join a dating site that bragged (with lots of small print) that 2% of married people met through their service. Sorry, the site positions itself a “relationship” site instead of a “dating” site. My bad.

Here’s the twist; Simon went through this site’s very long Q&A and box ticking process (it took about an hour) only to be told at the conclusion that he wasn’t the ideal candidate for the site. The question that affected the outcome; have you been previously married? He had, but being “separated” seemingly disqualified him, although for his efforts they did provide him with a FREE (Wow!) personality profile… which wasn’t even accurate. (Read all about Simon’s experience here: http://simplewhitemale.tumblr.com/post/8425710437/eharmony).

Firstly, the disqualifying question in question was an early one, so why make someone jump through an hour’s worth of hoops before rejecting them on that criteria alone? Who’s got that kind of time to waste (unless you really want a tokenistic FREE (Wow!) personality quiz?) Secondly, how many people might opt to lie about that fact just to get through a long process motivated by the amazing promise of the website?

I fully appreciate that one major advantage with online dating is that it offers members the ability to filter, search and organise “hotlists” from the online masses, but (and this is my mission here) I always ask if this is the best way to achieve that goal?

I would love to hear from both sides – if you use online dating, do you like long forms that profile you and others based on your answers? Or do you find them tedious and inaccurate? Do you get accurate matches, or bizarre lists? Lastly, do you feel wholly represented by your own personality profile?

Moreover, in an age where technology is more powerful but also simplifying and “getting out of the way” in terms of interface and user experience, are long questionnaires useful, or even still relevant?

Or would you rather use online dating to filter, organise and meet someone in real life in a group of like-minded people and get to know them through a real life, character revealing adventure?

A vous…

Related material

Joining niche dating sites: Are they really niche? Or just a sheep in wolf’s clothing?

[VIDEO] Real life beauty: This is a story about how I almost DIDN’T want to meet CeCe… but because I trusted instinct over image, I found love. It’s a lesson about following your gut, and trusting in real life beauty.

This post is part of Weekly Notes. To see all Weekly Notes, click here.