Exploring Location Based Dating – Fun or Scary?

This past week I was out with a group of friends, at least a half a dozen of whom were single and using their mobile phones to date in real time. Location Based Dating (LBD) is nothing new, although it has become a lot more prominent in recent years as GPS-enabled mobile devices with 3g (and soon 4g) become evermore an extension of ourselves.

In the AYMP vision presentation, I mention that Phase 3 is earmarked for exploring the right digital tools to help single people Meet, Play and Love(?). Hence I’m curious to learn about any current digital tool that aims to make (or claims to make) dating experiences better.

However, when I began asking my friends about their successes or failures using LBD dating, I got a flood of mixed reviews: some good, some bad, a few scary.

Having never used “GPS-enhanced” dating myself when I was single, it was a novel concept to me, and when my friends showed me how it worked I found the various app interfaces curious. The menu system followed the regular “app” style user experience (simple structure, tap and swipe to navigate) and included familiar dating site features: profiles, photos, stats, search and hot-listing. But the added feature with LBD apps was a live map showing where other members were right now.

My friends showed me how they could see who might be 10 kilometers away, or 200m away, or even in the same bar! My first thought was “What if you’re sitting at home and a single stranger is on your street wants to ‘pop in’?” Naturally, other questions about privacy and security followed.

One guy told me how he loved LBD because he was out to hook up with as many girls as possible, no strings attached. On nights out, he would whip out his phone and consult his dating apps (he had a few setup) while standing outside certain bars or clubs. If he saw girls of interest pinned on the map, that would inform his decision on whether or not he went in the club or walked on – following a map of “hotties” and constantly playing “hot or not” to filter his preferences. Sometimes he even setup other dates (for later the same day) while he was actually on a date, based on proximity. For him it was about playing the numbers.

Another friend using the same LBD apps told me how she used it to meet guys during the working week on her lunch break. She loved the app because if a guy didn’t show up for their date (and sometimes she could see where he was on the map), she could find a replacement in minutes. A few times she even admitted starting “bidding wars” between men to see who had the best chat up line to secure her lunch break. She loved it.

Those were some of the better tales I heard. On the flip side, those in the group seeking longer term relationships weren’t having as much luck with LBD apps. They told me stories that sounded like a repeat of the regular pitfalls of online dating: being stood up, meeting someone who didn’t look like their photo, spam profiles, people who can’t spell, innit, and call you “baby” when they sent messages.

Finally, a couple of LBD stories sounded down right salubrious. One guy told me that most women who contacted him turned out to be call girls. On one occasion, he claimed that he impulsively headed to a bar on short notice to meet a woman who looked good on her profile and had invited him out because they were near each other. As he approached the rendez-vous spot, he got the feeling he was being watched and sized up to be mugged, so he trusted his gut and aborted the date. He never heard from her again, and a week later her profile was “removed”.

Broad range of stories there, but in general I kind of see LBD apps as “the potential for increased serendipity” vs. “always thinking you can do better”. It sounds great if you’re out for short term hook ups, but if you’re on the search for something deeper, is there value in it?

Once upon a time – the thrill of the connection

My dad once told me stories about when he was young in the 1960s and played around on his ham radio set. He would warm up glass tubes, turn dials and calibrate tuners, scanning frequency bands to see who also might be out there for a chat.

Imagine the excitement he (and someone else, usually thousands of miles away) must have felt if they managed to sync an exact frequency at the same time and have chat. My dad wasn’t using ham radio for dating (so he says), just connecting with other ham radio amateur enthusiasts, and in a nostalgic kind of way it all sounds so “romantic” and old school: you had to make an effort to connect back then. Let’s flash forward to today, ever hear of Chat Roulette?

I think this video by the Neistat Brothers says it all:

Indeed times have changed. Sometimes technology can vastly improve our lives, but sometimes it also seems to detract from experiencing life. How much does being constantly connected, tracked and distracted through your phone blunt good old fashioned gut instinct and taking time to get to know someone?

I personally feel that there is a lot of potential in LBD apps, but not quite sure if it’s being used to it’s full (and safe) potential.

A few months ago I talked about “Real Life Beauty” and how I almost didn’t meet my wife because I nearly trusted technology over gut instinct. I maintain the moral of that lesson regarding LBD apps: What is the chance you could skip over real life beauty (and an amazing connection) because pixels and pins on a map don’t also match real life?

I would love to hear more stories from anyone else who has used Location Based Dating apps, so please comment below or drop me a line. All lessons feed into the bigger picture, and the shaping of AYMP.
 

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Tags: gps, located based, mobile